Today I am sad...

Today I am sad.  I have many reasons to be happy, the biggest of which is sleeping on my lap right now, but today is a melancholy day.

Two years ago around this exact time I was headed to the ER.  Two years ago I lost my third little angel and almost my own life.  Two years ago I lost hopes and dreams and a little piece of my soul.

A lot of joy has come into my life during the past two years.  I can't downplay all the happiness that remains.  But...I will never be the same as I was before that day two years ago.  I'm not sure if I would want to be.

I am so blessed to have Juniper but I long for my angels.  I can't help but wonder about them.  Would they have my eyes, daddy's smile, their little sister's giggle?  When Juniper hits a milestone I imagine them going thru one of their own.  I love them so much even though I never got to hold them in my arms.  I do get to hold them in my heart.  I always will.

Today I shed a few tears in this quiet moment for them.  Mamma loves you and misses you...