Heartbreak...

This little one will not be joining my earthly family...I hope your heavenly siblings are embracing you and holding you the way I will never get a chance to.

My repeat bloodwork showed that despite the progesterone my levels were dropping and at 5 weeks 4 days I lost my precious little one.  I'm heartbroken but trying to hold things together for Juniper's sake.  It's so hard when all day she asks me for a baby and follows anyone she sees that is holding a newborn.  Mamma is trying to give you that baby, Juniper, I promise I'm trying!  For now I will try to heal and keep hope for the future.

5/27/15

I hate the waiting game part!  I went in for bloodwork yesterday and finally heard back around 11:30 this morning that they want me to start taking progesterone and do repeat bloods tomorrow.  I'm having some dark spotting today which has me stressed.  I know dark means old and is not necessarily a bad thing but it definitely doesn't make me feel very safe.  Hoping tomorrow brings better news!

Terrified but hopeful...

Yes it, super faint...but it's there...right?!?!

I'm not disappearing this time.  Good or bad I'm here and talking and terrified and maybe a tiny bit excited.  Internet world be kind to me I need your support!

5 minute mommy makeover...

Sometimes you have a few rough nights dealing with night terrors that result in a very tired mommy the next morning.  That's been my life recently.  And despite the fact that I have nowhere to go today I just felt like I needed a little face pick me up this morning.  I'm a lotion and little bit of mascara girl.  No fancy stuff for me...but I did discover a few products that help me amp things up.

Younique is a company known for its 3d Fiber Lashes.  All I can say is WOW!  I love them!  I added their BB Flawless Complexion Enhancer and now this lotion girl can have a touch of coverage without that yucky foundation mask feeling that I hate!  Add a touch of Lucrative Mineral Lip Gloss in Luxe and voilà mommy looks awake and ready for the day in less than 5 minutes!

Here is my face half made up with just those 3 products.  The eye with the Moodstruck lashes definitely looks more awake and my lips look fuller with just that tiny touch of color and shine.  The BB cream just adds a bit of evenness to my skin and in the dry of winter I find that it also helps to keep my skin soft.  Don't worry I did go back and do the other half of my face after I took that photo...

(Also please ignore my poor drowned rat hair)

If you are interested in any of the products shown, please visit my page or email me 

*I do make a small commission for product sales but the thoughts are all my own.

Toddler Valentine's Day Party...

We've had a frigid, very snowfilled winter so to offset some of the cabin fever I decided to be brave and invite all of Juniper's friends and mommies for a Valentine's Day party.  We had a blast!  I made some special party snacks and crafts and thought I would share them with you.

I made Juniper the large white felt Valentine's Day envelope to hold all her Valentines and gifts.  I still need to add some ribbons so it can be tied to her chair for future Valentine's days.  I got the idea from Pottery Barn but it was very easy to make myself.  I made smaller felt envelopes to hold the cards for her friends.  Juniper and I also made little cinnamon hearts for the mommies.  I love to hang them in my closet or tuck one inside my sock drawer.

For food we had broccoli cheddar quiche with little mini kiddo sized ones also.  I used almond milk instead of cream and left some of the minis cheese free for those with dairy intolerance.  We also had little heart shaped pb&j sandwiches, mini muffins, popcorn and lots of fruit.

A few of the kids even participated in a craft project.  We strung cheerios onto pipe cleaners and they have become my go to mess free snack.  They are perfect for in the car too!  Happy Valentine's Day!

Today I am sad...

Today I am sad.  I have many reasons to be happy, the biggest of which is sleeping on my lap right now, but today is a melancholy day.

Two years ago around this exact time I was headed to the ER.  Two years ago I lost my third little angel and almost my own life.  Two years ago I lost hopes and dreams and a little piece of my soul.

A lot of joy has come into my life during the past two years.  I can't downplay all the happiness that remains.  But...I will never be the same as I was before that day two years ago.  I'm not sure if I would want to be.

I am so blessed to have Juniper but I long for my angels.  I can't help but wonder about them.  Would they have my eyes, daddy's smile, their little sister's giggle?  When Juniper hits a milestone I imagine them going thru one of their own.  I love them so much even though I never got to hold them in my arms.  I do get to hold them in my heart.  I always will.

Today I shed a few tears in this quiet moment for them.  Mamma loves you and misses you...

Tea Tree Oil is amazing...

Let's talk essential oils, specifically Tea Tree Oil.

I wish I knew more about essential oils and their uses and hopefully someday I will but for now the oil that I use on a daily basis is tea tree oil.  I know there are hundreds of uses for tea tree oil so I lucked out when Apothecary Extracts sent me a bottle of their Australian Tea Tree Oil to try out.  Not only is it an amazing deal but every order comes with a 100 page digital guide on the science behind the oil as well as 53 recipes so you can start using the oil to its full potential!

Currently I use it as part of my cloth wipe solution since it fights against bacteria, fungus and viruses. Kill those germs!  I also add a few drops to my cloth diaper laundry routine.

Tea tree oil can help with multiple skin conditions such as acne, eczema, psoriasis, ringworm, staph infection, sunburn, bug bites, warts, skin tags, boils, corns, dry skin/dandruff, calluses, chicken pox marks, dermatitis, hives, jock itch, scars and scratches.  Using recipes from the guide will help you cleanse your skin in a much more natural way without a lot of the harsh chemicals added to over the counter remedies.

Wouldn't you love to have an antiseptic spray for cuts and scrapes using tea tree oil, lavender, aloe vera and other simple ingredients instead of something from the pharmacy with ingredients you can't pronounce?  How about a toilet cleanser using tea tree oil, lemon, vinegar and baking soda?  I know I'd feel more comfortable having my daughter around that instead of highly noxious bleach fumes.

I can't wait to start implementing this amazing oil into more aspects of my life!

I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free using Tomoson.com. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers.