Heartbreak...

This little one will not be joining my earthly family...I hope your heavenly siblings are embracing you and holding you the way I will never get a chance to.

My repeat bloodwork showed that despite the progesterone my levels were dropping and at 5 weeks 4 days I lost my precious little one.  I'm heartbroken but trying to hold things together for Juniper's sake.  It's so hard when all day she asks me for a baby and follows anyone she sees that is holding a newborn.  Mamma is trying to give you that baby, Juniper, I promise I'm trying!  For now I will try to heal and keep hope for the future.

5/27/15

I hate the waiting game part!  I went in for bloodwork yesterday and finally heard back around 11:30 this morning that they want me to start taking progesterone and do repeat bloods tomorrow.  I'm having some dark spotting today which has me stressed.  I know dark means old and is not necessarily a bad thing but it definitely doesn't make me feel very safe.  Hoping tomorrow brings better news!

Terrified but hopeful...

Yes it, super faint...but it's there...right?!?!

I'm not disappearing this time.  Good or bad I'm here and talking and terrified and maybe a tiny bit excited.  Internet world be kind to me I need your support!

Back to the drawing...I mean blogging board...

I am sorry that I have been absent.  When I found out I was miraculously pregnant I didn't know how to talk about it.  I also had to take into consideration the feelings of my partner.  Beau wanted to keep our pregnancy private.  After coming so close to losing me along with our baby in September he didn't feel comfortable talking about this pregnancy.  Apart from my sister in law and a good friend from college who is a maternity nurse, we didn't tell anyone till we had entered my second trimester.  Things were also very up in the air with my employment and so it was also crucial to be cautious due to that.

I want to start talking again.  I want to share the highs and lows of my pregnancy and also the joys and trials of life as a mommy.  I want to be able to answer questions and support others who are dealing with loss and or pregnancy/motherhood after a loss.  If anybody feels the need to talk privately or have me post a question anonymously then please email me at melissa.w4f@gmail.com.

Thank you all for your support and patience.